ice_queen2

ice_queen2 @ 2007-09-06T19:55:00

2007-09-06T09:56:36Z

Good day: 56kg. Hoping to smash the 56kg mark tomorrow!!!! Full of hope.

Lost not gained!

2007-08-19T04:20:26Z

I thought I was going to gain weight but I didn't I lost! 56.5kg! So I started the day happy. Then I had a little cry for no apparent reason - really weird! I haven't been doing enough work and yet I am still bored. I really want to be able to post at pro-ana but my membership STILL hasn't come through. Tried working out the benifits of losing weight. Really weird reasons- stupid reasons really, but I guess that is the same for most people.

Pigged out!

2007-08-18T09:15:42Z

Today I pigged out sooooo much. I went to the markets and my freinds kept giving me food etc and I had to eat lunch - or look really weird. I have been basically skipping lunch recently or having an apple or a banana. I am hoping that I won't have gained tomorrow morning, but I bet I will have. I am planning not to eat anything tonight and to go to bed early. I am so tired - eating makes me way hungrier than not eating!

Still Depressed

2007-08-02T09:25:17Z

I have put on more weight and am binging again tonight. I hate myself. Just know that I am going to end up terribly obese like some of my relatives even though I am not obese yet. I went dancing the other night and feel so disgusting and fat. THere are so many tiny, thin girls there. I feel like I am a giant clumping around. I left after about two hours when normally I would stay as long as possible. I am so pathetic. I deserve to disappear. I think other people's life would be so much better without me. My family's, the people at work, my friend's / acquaintances. It would just be better if I disappeared leaving no memory that I ever existed. Perhaps that is why I want to be thin so much - so that I will simply disappear. At least I wouldn't be the clumsy oaf that I am now.

Bad day

2007-07-31T09:35:58Z

Today I have eaten too much - again. I was doing so well for two weeks - losing weight and then I went home for the weekend and pigged out and it has been bad ever since. I am trying to remember that "nothing tastes as good as thin feels" but it isn't really helping. I think I have put all the weight back on in four days that I hd lost in two weeks! Depressing. I started at 58.6kg two weeks ago and got down to 56.9 but this morning I was 58.2kg and am probably even more now. :( I feel so pathetic and angry. Will I ever be able to get thin again? I was once 44kg. (sigh)