I have put on more weight and am binging again tonight. I hate myself. Just know that I am going to end up terribly obese like some of my relatives even though I am not obese yet. I went dancing the other night and feel so disgusting and fat. THere are so many tiny, thin girls there. I feel like I am a giant clumping around. I left after about two hours when normally I would stay as long as possible. I am so pathetic. I deserve to disappear. I think other people's life would be so much better without me. My family's, the people at work, my friend's / acquaintances. It would just be better if I disappeared leaving no memory that I ever existed. Perhaps that is why I want to be thin so much - so that I will simply disappear. At least I wouldn't be the clumsy oaf that I am now.